Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Johnny Depp as Joseph Gordon Levitt as the Riddler taking over for Heath Ledger as the Joker!

Okay, I'm going to try to start this bitch up again. I always feel more motivated to work on my internet projects when I have things I should be doing instead. And this time, I'm not posting a YouTube video! Haha! Victory! Blog content on a blog, what a novel idea. Unfortunately I'll be writing about the same thing that a million other bloggers are going to be writing about: BATMAN. (He can breathe in space!) Before I start, I'm prefacing this by saying I have only a rudimentary knowledge of comics canon, and I'm not purporting to be an expert on anything Batman-related. I'm just sharing FEELINGS, and these FEELINGS are based solely on the movies.

Previously on The Dark Knight Rises (not Dark Knight 2, dummies, there are three movies):
We'll have the Riddler! No, Joseph Gordon Levitt will take over as the Joker! No, Joseph Gordon Levitt will play the RIDDLER! Johnny Depp will play the Riddler! Johnny Depp will play Catwoman! Johnny Depp will play Talia al Ghul! Joseph Gordon Levitt will play Catwoman! Harvey Dent will be only MOSTLY dead! Joseph Gordon Levitt was really attractive in Inception, you guys, don't you think we should put him in suits more? Maybe he could wear suits in BATMAN! Catwoman Catwoman Catwoman Catwoman! No Catwoman. No Riddler. The Dark Knight Rises. Instead of Joseph Gordon Levitt, let's cast Tom Hardy. AS THE RIDDLER! No, as possibly Bane. No, Hugo Strange! THE ANSWER LIES IN TOM HARDY'S FACIAL HAIR.

And that's not even mentioning the parade of actresses rumored to play opposite Bale as either a love interest or villain. Current information indicates there will be two female roles: love interest and villain. According to io9's article today, the following actresses are frontrunners for either of the two roles, and one of the roles is possibly....(spoilers ahead, you guys)

(I'm not kidding)

(Avert your eyes if you want to wait until someone ruins it for you on twitter)

Talia al Ghul.

I'm not shocked. Lots of people have theorized that we'll get Talia. We've had that set up from the beginning. No one's obligated to give us Catwoman. I think Talia was the most likely choice, given the canon Nolan has presented to us. It's pretty cool.

And here are our actresses!

First we have Keira Knightley. I love Keira. I know a lot of people hate her, they hate her skinny ass, they hate her open mouth, they hate her acting, and those people can fuck right off. I think she's fantastic. BUT totally wrong for this movie. For one, Christian Bale is 36 and Keira Knightley is 25. I think she would suffer from the same problems Katie Holmes had in Batman Begins, even though Holmes is only four years younger than Bale. (I had to look this up. Really? She's 32? Damn. Joey Potter does not age.) She just looked so fresh-faced and youthful (First Daughter, in which she played an 18 year old, was released the year before) that she was completely unconvincing as Bale's equal. Mind you, I'm not sure Maggie Gyllenhaal was a good substitute in that particular role, but that's beside the point. Keira, as an actress, could play strong conviction a bit better, but I still think ultimately she's too young for the role and I think she would be a little out of place in the cast.

Oh how very tempted I was to use a photo from Havoc, but I decided to afford Anne a little more dignity, so instead we see her I-am-a-danger-to-my-corneas bangs. Honestly, I could see Anne going either way for this part. If we are, in fact, going to see Vicki Vale, as some people theorize, I could see Anne as plucky girl reporter. Although we could skip the giant glasses this time. She could also be up for Talia. She could pull it off. I have faith in Princess Mia's abilities.

It was actually difficult to find a photo of Jessica Biel that did not involve fleshy parts. I have no opinion on Jessica Biel and I actually had to look at her IMDb page to see if I'd even seen her in anything. Right! The Illusionist! Elizabethtown! Both those things were five years ago! I remember her as not being bad in the Illusionist, but since then she seems stuck in the Valentine's Day/Isn't It Funny That Guys Who Are Pretending To Be Gay Keep Staring At My Ass loop. Since she's made it to supposed frontrunner status, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt because she must have impressed someone behind the scenes, but I really can't make any calls myself.

And now for the lesser-knowns: Charlotte Riley and Kate Mara. This may just be me, but I'm actually sad that io9 had to describe Kate Mara as "Rooney Mara's sister Kate." I swear Kate started out ahead. She's pretty, she's not quite age appropriate but is still a few years older than Keira. She still looks really young though. I don't know, that may have changed since Shooter.

So. We come to Charlotte Riley. In the interest of fairness, I will say right up front that she is engaged to Tom Hardy, who has already been cast in the movie. I have no idea if this helped her chances or not. She played Catherine Earnshaw in the 2009 adaptation of Wuthering Heights. Please, put that down in your mind as a positive. This isn't like the Olivier/Oberon flick. I promise. The whole thing is on YouTube if you'd like to check, although I would advise against clicking a video labeled "Tender Montage Tribute."

She's good, okay? She's intense. And I'm not going to lie and pretend that it wouldn't be amazing if she and Tom Hardy working on the movie together meant we got a bunch of on-set photos like this:

So those are my feelings. These might not be tossed out in just a week like all the rest, though. Shooting begins in May, and details about the production are getting more and more firm as we get closer.